Apologies for the poor photograph of a fine painting. This is one of my favourite van Gogh paintings. It is of stevedores on the river Rhone in Arles. The colours are absolutely glorious. It is privately owned, and it has been been on loan to the van Gogh exhibition at the National Gallery called Poets and Lovers. It was an excellent exhibition that I went to see a few times, including the 48-hour opening on the last weekend of the exhibition, at 4.45 am. Totally worth it. It was a different light to see the paintings – much more like when they were hung in living rooms or stacked up in the corner, waiting to be framed. It was a different crowd, too – much more diverse, much younger on average – that’s something to ponder about accessiblity for the arts, I think.

This painting by Ukrainian artist, Kazymyr Malevych, was on tour with the exhibition In The Eye Of The Storm: Modernism in Ukaine 1900 – 1930. This exhibition was the display of 4 lorries of art that was brought out of Ukraine after the Russian invasion two years ago. It was a carefully managed evacuation of many treasures of Ukrainian art, but also, part of the story of Ukrainian art, culture and identity. A stated aim of Putin is to erase the idea that Ukraine is its own culture and national identity. It’s not the first time this has happened in Ukraine – this was also a part of the Soviet Union, surpressing national identities and cultures that were forming organically through art, cinema, language, social relationships. This exhibition was a timely reminder of what is at stake and why repression and violence have to be recognised, resisted and defeated, in all its forms.

Why call this post Return? I’ve seen a lot of van Gogh paintings, and I am always interested in Malevych and modernist movements of the early 20th Century. Returning to themes has been a part of the last couple of months, in a good way. Great to be at new exhibitions, returning to artists and galleries of interest. Great to return to Scotland for our summer holiday a few months ago. Great to keep on working on some poetry – interesting, none yet a direct result of the Poetry and Lovers exhibition! Great to return to the Adephi a couple of months ago and see Kingmaker, of whom I’ve been a fan since 1993, and who provided the title to this blog when they updated one of their lyrics and returned to live performances. Great to return to University – I started year 4 of this current Open University degree in humanities and art history In October and have just handed in the third essay.

I’m now back in Paris, en route to Angouleme (true at the time of writing – I’m now on the train from Angouleme to Lille, to head to Ypres). I’ve just been in Dieppe for a few days – still pursuing towns with maritime history and also one that has motivated a lot of plein air painters – there were quite a few information panels on the spot where Sickert and others painted scenes in Dieppe. It has been lovely to be somewhere new, seeing how the town developed through fishing and trade. I’ve been staying at an Ibis, satisfied with the mini-routines that start – breakfast is always served 6.30 am – 10.30 am, and made of the same products. Strike out for a walk, following, if available, a route from a town map or leaflet from the tourist information centre. Go to a museum or church, or both. Learn something. Rinse and repeat.

I’m reading ficton and non-fiction about war and conflict, displacement, making a difference and using your voice. It’s harrowing, but it feels important. We are all products of our experiences and all start from different places. As glib as it sounds, I try to start each day with gratitude – for my freedom, for a feeling of security, for the skills I have and the things I’ve learned, for the opportunities I’ve had and those who have taught me how to use those opportunities.

Some more poetry – if you’ve made it this far, thank you. This is all a bit stream of consciousness, including the following:

My mind is made of music,
My soul breathes fire on air.

I long to find something
Whose feelings move, force, crush,

Ache, make me close my eyes
And dream away the hours.

Under.  To… be. Just move
Away from all, to find

What’s different.  To be that difference.

To float and echo the bass notes,
The cut, blood, nail, too much,

The obvious. Too narrow.
To cry.  Up into the waves, and

The music falls.  I fall.